To the Mizo Men Who Can’t Bear to See a Mizo Girl in the Arms of a Non-Mizo

“Once you marry a non-Mizo, you are no longer one. Even if you give your children names in the zo language, they are not Mizos anyhow. I wouldn’t even call you Mizo-suak but rather Hnamdang.” ( – a Facebook post of a friend who is very dear to me, I am not against him in any way, I admire and respect him, just a little problem with this small post)

It would be right for our ancestors to prohibit love of different races because there were wars between tribes and people of different dialects, now why create wars where there are none?

First off, it is always good to have viewpoints and stand up for issues, issues like poverty, unemployment, inequality in status, corruption, the bad roads we travel on everyday, issues like the way we treat our dear widows, issues like depression that’s killed a youth in almost every other locality in Mizoram the past year. But would you call a fight for making sure a fellow Mizo girl doesn’t fall in love with someone who doesn’t have roots ingrained in Mizo land, an issue?

If you would have a pretty, smart Mizo girl marry you, broaden your views, look at the world, think of third-world problems and issues going on in the peace summit. A master degree and a government job doesn’t make you a man, it takes more, it takes more than ranting about people who shouldn’t marry other people in Facebook, it takes more than having an EcoSport car, it takes more than having an ex who is “model deuh”. It takes smart. Walk out of the little bubble where brains are imprinted with who is the head of the family and who is the head of the kitchen. Women should be masters at cooking, true, but give her off-days. Listen to her opinions. Having your way is not being ahead of the game always. Boasting about how you boss about at home to your pals points far from a happy home.

And to those who have happily married races other than our own, applaud them for putting in Mizo words as names for their little kids in cities where no one would make sense of ‘Lalliandawnga’ or the likes. For teaching them Mizo words right from the time they can spell out words, to make sure their culture is kept alive in their young one. For fighting to keep their Mizo-ness alive by practising the hospitality the tribe is famous for, by wearing a puan every week to church because she is still a Mizo, every cell and every last inch. You cannot un-proclaim what she has been born as. And while she’s playing with her little toddler, singing “Tumbailek, tumbailek,” watching her little one curl her fingers and release, feeling proud that her culture’s practice has been passed on, she scrolls through her Facebook feed and see posts such as yours.

There are hundreds dying by the hour due to floods, earthquakes, hunger, caste-system, differences in religion, and meanwhile our brains are busy texting out lines why a human can’t marry another human. The LGBTQ have it hard enough, atleast let the heterosexuals have some peace.

Please, feign hatred if a fellow Mizo woman would marry a beast of the animal kingdom, not because she is falling in love with another human being.

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40 thoughts on “To the Mizo Men Who Can’t Bear to See a Mizo Girl in the Arms of a Non-Mizo

  1. Kimi you’ve done it again! Taking a sensitive subject and giving depth to it. A quiet young lady but with a sensational voice, that’s what you are. Good read and thought provoking.

  2. I swear it’s so true what you’re writing here. I bet it echoes the thoughts of most deep thinking human beings. Love the lines ” A master degree and a government job doesn’t make you a man, it takes more, it takes more than ranting about people who shouldn’t marry other people in Facebook, it takes more than having an EcoSport car, it takes more than having an ex who is “model deuh”. Honestly, I think those who express strong dislikes towards women who marry outside the race, should look at themselves in the mirror and ask themselves if they are worth marrying in the first place? Until then, let people marry people because its their business.!

  3. You wrote this with passion and I love that but there are few statements that put me off and I’d like to clarify whether or not we’re on the same page:
    1) It would be right for our ancestors to prohibit love of different races because there were wars between tribes and people of different dialects, now why create wars where there are none?

    Is that so easily justified? Don’t you see inter-tribal love as a revolutionary force that has contributed in bridging the gap and taming the rivalry that had been ignited on rather irrational grounds? Yes, a lot of the ancestors didn’t deserve to face the brunt of war but to prohibit love even in a turbulent era cannot be labelled as “right” if you believe in plurality. And I’m sure you do since you’ve written such a post. I do empathize with the historical baggage Mizos come with but to make a claim like that could have a lethal impact on your impressionable readers.

    2) Women should be masters at cooking, true.

    This threw me off guard because I’ve always respected Mizos for rejecting notions that reinforce gender parity. Also, the defence was too defeatist. It’s hard to achieve the fall of male supremacy with subservience.

    3)The LGBTQ have it hard enough, atleast let the heterosexuals have some peace.

    I smell a hint of condescension here.

    Apart from this, the paragraphs with “Tumbailek, tumbailek,” was lovely.

    • Thank you for this insightful comment.. I am wrong on many terms and still learning with every new sentence so i will be more careful and take these points into perspective the next time i put up a post. As for the third point, it is not a comment of condescension, just trying to point out how difficult the world is for the LGBTQ community. Also, i read your blog posts, they are very interesting and educative in terms of learning new words. Thank you.

  4. This is brave and honest and well written and true. Kudos to you. The hypocrisy with which we approach this issue as a society is regressive and frustrating. Tho I must add, it’s not particular to only our society. I hate how it’s become a norm to speak about hnam humhalh now at every occassion involving the youth. And that its always directed hypocritically at the female gender. Why humhalh? Are we going extinct? If however we are concerned with the preservation of our culture, language, traditions etc., we should be more alarmed at how our youth (full mizo) are happily trading their identity for Korean or sap.

    • Hello Sanga, thank you. yes its true, this issue is prevalent in every society which is very sad. What is even sadder are the deaths due to inter-caste love. Just waiting on the world to change 🙂

  5. Kim, you are the best!….this article is the shield i need (and Yes! I married outside my tribe because I fell in love) and reading it makes my heart stronger…i enjoy reading every line, they fall on the soul like raindrops on a dry land, and it heals the wound…Thank you

    • yes it is just an opinion of a simple minded girl in a corner of the hills…so criticisms are welcome and I respect all viewpoints…everyone is entitled to theirs..its true as you said bloodline is important

  6. bravo….. kip going gal,wl bck u up as mch as i cn… if “hnam humhalh” is really wanted, da korean style shud b banned 1st… hahaha after all, people never talk wn a mizo gal marries a foreigner… bt controversy starts only wn mizo gal marries non-mizo (vai) [our own Indian] WTF !!!!!

  7. i am all the way with your points..agreed and goes through this mess. Afterall we are all Human ..you are very brave to put out your words like this..Go on..B who you are..All the best

  8. Always enjoyed your blog, some of your articles are very insightful to say the least.. I do see you are trying to show the bigger picture, but from a Mizopa’s POV, there’s always this feeling of losing, losing something; someone valuable, someone who knows how to bring up a child the Mizo way, someone who will give that Mizo identity to your child, just someone who is a Mizo. We, as a Mizo men know how valuable a Mizo girl is, how important she is to a Mizo family. Girls get married to a non-Mizo, ok he is well to do, he is “husband material”, he as a husband won’t necessarily bring up his child to his wife’s traditional ways. No matter how morally right it is, or how new-school or old-school our ways of thinking are regarding our Mizo women marrying a non-Mizo is, we will always lose a part of us when we marry our women away, at least in the eyes of a Mizopa.. And by the way, our small state in the far corner of India is 2nd least populated, have a population of a small town in a mainland Indian State, a little above 10 lakhs, coupled with dwindling population and teen suicide(85 counting from Jan-15) if I am not wrong. In a small state like ours where almost anyone knows one another, just by which part of Aizawl they stay, or who their neighbor is, ask yourself how a Mizopa will feel giving away his beautiful Mizo nula…. Mizo nula ngat le ka tan chuan.

    • Hello Tea….you are right…it would be really difficult for a Mizo man to give away his beautiful Mizo nula 🙂 And it would be of everyone’s best interest to keep our roots alive but sometimes, things dont go as planned. Your point of view is very interesting and its nice to see the positive patriotism. Keep it up!

  9. Loved every bit of it. We need someone like you, brave,smart and honest to write something like this. Cheers mate..great job

  10. i just want to congratulate you for showing maturity in your comments. multiple realities and multi faceted paradigms; we should all be happy, just as simple as that.

  11. Been years since I left Mizoram, after school got over. Chanced upon this article because someone happened to share the link to this article. Very lucidly written and have been hooked to your blog since. Kudos to you for jotting down a lot of unsaid and unheard rules that are considered sacrosanct, and that many may not agree with. Keep writing!

  12. I admire this article and i totally agreed with it…its true that there all mizo guys should ask themself why this thing happens to our mizo girls…at the same time all mizo girls should ask themself that what is means by “being a mizo” girl.. If you dont care about fall in love/marrying a non-mizo guy anymore,i say you are long lost from where you came from. Being a mizo,you are suppose to understand whats its like to marry non-mizo and how we think and treat about those who did it, its not about thinking small or not being a man,its what make us ‘a mizo’,its in our blood,our mind and we lived with it. So i say this to all mizo girls if you marry a non-mizo guy there’ll be those against you…some happy for you…some may even curse you or bless you..but from the point of view from a mizo heart, u’ll always be a betrayal of the tribe. But from neutral view this article is 100% true.

  13. This is one encouraging article and i totally agree with you.. its true that all mizo guys should look in the mirror and ask themself why this thing happens…at the same time all mizo girls should ask themself that what is it “being a mizo girl”. If you dont have anymore doubt about fall in love/marrying a non mizo guy,i say you are long lost from where you came from. Being a mizo you are suppose to understand that how we thought about and treat those who marry/in a relationship with non-mizo guy and you couldnt expect us(mizo guy) to agree with this. Its not about not being a man or not being smart guy,its about being a mizo and carrying our culture and tradition. But i totally get your point of view and its 100% true from neutral point of view,but from a mizo eye they will always be a betrayal of mizo tribe, so i say this to all mizo girls its your choice who you love and you marry but there is a reason why you borned in a mizo society.Muslim leh Hindu kulhmuk te hian an fanu te an sahkhuana pawn ami neih tir ai chuan sah sawm vek pawh an va duh zawk ta ve ang. Mizo mipa heti zat zinga neih tlak hmu lo khawp a fel leh tha anlo awm anih chuan keini mizo mipa te chuan kan phu loh na na na chuan hnamdang pawh lo nei se kan lo thik tawh kher lo mahna..

  14. Wow that was one thought provoking topic Kimi, I’m from bangalore but your voice reached out till here and I do think you have made a valid point all through, You are a true Indian more than that a sensible no-nonsense kind of girl with an amazing perspective, we all need to evolve leaving behind the stone-age thinking!

  15. I believe this is so relatable for many of the new gen as not many parents/relatives are forthcoming with the idea of inter community/caste marriages. Tragically the whole concept of “falling in love” can tear families apart. We all have heard of couples having to face horrific consequences to stand up for the ethereal emotion called love. However this practice doesn’t replicate itself with the same degree of cruelty in every part of India. I can understand why apprehensions don’t take long to turn into violence when it comes to social constructs. After all social identity by itself takes a more concrete form by way of affiliation and by being a part of the in group. It can be so confoundingly complex. Belonging to a collectivistic society, many find it difficult to accept the individualistic take in life. But this should in no way limit any one from pursuing any thing that one truly desires.

  16. It might sound like an exaggerated acknowledgement while saying this is quite a spiritually high post of yours. It speaks the heart and mind clearly and beautifully. It exhibits consciousness and conscience. Whereas “love” knows no other things.

    Am myself a simple, mediocre man, an enthusiast exactly on other extreme geographically, still eventually on the same longitude that passes from west to east or east to west covering touching Mizoram and Gujarat.

    Diversity at best may be. Language – dialects change every odd 100 miles in India as so we hear and witness. At some point the two turns Greek to each other. If one sits to study honestly, the Culture and traditions are surprisingly on same thin subtle lines, but climate, language food, “religion” and some customs, etc. sometimes play superficial and yet big role that creates insulation.

    Add to that, people, all from different parts put together, still affected with dark chapters of some hundred years, not exposed to pan Indian or say pan continental experience yet, conditioned with ancestral or socio-cultural stuff, as a result carry presumptions and hear-says.

    These are individual comfort zones also. And very much still from within the comfort zones, all our enthusiast countrymen (of both the genders, though the Men are more for sure) have liberal and free speech, with a questionable respect to liberty and freedom, that influence or facilitate new form of superficial opinions and judgments. The victim is “basics” and basic values. First and foremost is respect and dignity of a woman. Nothing feminist or preachy here.

    Will limit this reply to readable and minimum, that has been surfaced on your soulful thoughts. Your post is scalable to height and width, despite it is addressing nice and ever endearing land and people of Mizoram.

    Could feel myself, having some nice simple Mizo folks – friends and coming across them often even in a token form leaves a feeling.. sea of feelings. Lucky and fortunate you are. Have already started learning Mizo tawng.. 🙂

    “Chibai” – “Namaste” !

    God’s mercy, blessings and love, both unconditional and infinite.

    Wishing best of health and happiness, and your blissful spiritual journey let it blossom more and more. It is a delight to come across your blog.

    Gratitude and best wishes to the land and people of Mizoram.

    ~ Rana, Gujarat

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