Tonight – a love note.

 

11 pm. The kids are asleep, her husband snores away while her thoughts wander. Tonight, she can’t find peace of mind, it’s like the roaring wind caught hold of her thoughts. She makes her way to the corner of the room, on a shelf, perched high above, a little box glistens under the golden glow of the lightbulb. Without a second thought she quickly reaches for it. With the silver tin box safe in her hands she makes her way to the back porch. Fireflies are dancing atop green blades of grass that slyly simmer under the moonlight. She opens the lid, inside is a bunch of letters. The letters that don’t make it to the intended receiver. She reaches out for the four paged, yellow parched paper folded like the heart that is tucked away. It was on one such humid June night when the wind roared its mighty brushes while the sun sweated afternoon toilers that the letter was penned down. It started like this,

“…Tonight i will love you in its entirety. In everyway a human can love another human, in as much love as can be showed to another human. Maybe tomorrow i will remember bits of you, shun parts of you from memory. Maybe i will shed a tear or two then try to shuffle my mind with exciting thoughts of a life that survives. Maybe tomorrow i will try the best i can to hide this love from myself but tonight, i am going to love you in its entirety. With all the words i can summon to memory. In all this time, i may not have met your gaze at perfect collisions, but tonight, i will find words to wrap you up warm.

Do you remember a message that beeped on your phone on a cold November night written, “I fear of everything that could set us apart. I am afraid we will become a memory. That i will have to put you in a paragraph between dots and commas and semi colons. That i will have to sum you up in a paragraph and find the right words to define our glorious moments.” These four sentences marked my greatest fears. And they have come alive tonight.

Tonight, i want to love you in all the ways i possibly can because you have given me a due date. Today. Today marks the day you erase me from your life. Every smile, every captured memory, every word, every expression painted and typed, one touch of a button and poof. a new life and how beautiful it must be, any life with you in it will glow out all of life put together.

that afternoon we rode for five hours, voices out from screaming lyrics. messy hair and tangled hands. from daylight into the night. the world seemed to stop still at our sight. crazy humans in perfect accord of souls. the night we dined on chips and cheap drinks and scary movies. the day we first marched into the theatre together and marched out halfway because we couldn’t stand one more minute of the cheesy lines. the afternoons spent in busy markets, gazing at things that don’t fit our pocket. hands clenched tight. spending all we have on delicacies that billed our smiles. like we were millionaires. i will paint these moments and hang them up as portraits of the heart. for all time to come, a reminder that soulmates exist.

Tonight, i want you to know this. You are everything I’ve ever wanted put together in one magnificent human being. Its a surprise how you can even exist. How can someone you have perfected in your mind actually have a name and a living body? And yet how tragic that you get all the love of that magnificence and you put it away somehow.

Someday in a world where words cease to exist and emotions are defined by movements. where there are no words to mark a beginning or signify an end. just a touch that lasts for an infinity. there i will build you a house on the moon and we will count our moments in centuries. a lifetime for a gaze, one for a kiss and an eternity for love.

Tonight as i feel love in its entirety, so also will i feel pain in its entirety. What am i but a curse of the universe. I, who destroyed a gift of fate. a love of a century. I, who crushed a union of souls. who let down the legend of a heart. how do you mend a broken heart? kill it. a quick and painless end. a curse of the universe but deserves such. though there’s a part of the soul that hopes that its the first season of Robin and Barney who hardly can stand to be friends. And the seventh season awaits their fate. If Jon Snow can return from cold death, maybe this cursed love can resurface.

“Wake up! Wake up! What are you mumbling about, you are scaring me!” She shook her eyes open, that angelic smile directly across her face. She’d had a nightmare.”I dreamt we had parted and many years down the line i had kids and a husband and i was reading a letter i’d written to you, it was such a nightmare.”

xxx

She folded the yellow parched paper, tucked away like the heart that fears to be seen. A tear dropped down the pointed blades of green. the fireflies were gone. the moon clouded. the letter had the last words of her sister. Who had wished her heartbreak was a dream.

moonhouse-project-Mikael-Genberg-2

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