wedding blues.

(a dedication for the souls who wed in blues)


You were on my mind on my wedding day. How gently wisps of hair fall around your face on December mornings when the sun rays on you. I thought of how I had awaited the hour I would hold your hand and say I do, eternally – to earth and to the heavens. How when I unveiled the white lace, your bright eyes would gleam through my soul, the way it did when I first fell in love with you. The melody of the songs I’d swore I sing to you as you danced along to the guitar strums, they were playing in my head, beat by beat. But I pushed these thoughts away, because we were not enough to stay. And because I now held a hand in my arm – I would vow to love till death. The reveries I’d had of our wrinkled hands together to our 90’s had to be blown away like autumn leaves wilted with time. All our dreams and words were but thin air today.


You were on my mind on my wedding day, how your eyes sparkled everytime I looked your way. I had imagined my walk down the aisle staring into those eyes with promises of tomorrows and little feet and cherished dreams and evening runs. I had in mind my vow, the one id say to you, how I fell for you, everyday, anew.  How much I treasured your heart of gold and felt like the luckiest girl in the world to be in that heart. I remembered how, I was ready to give all my words to you but now, I had to give my lines to the man who holds my hands in his arm because you were gone away and emptied your heart out of me. I had to do away with the hope Id had that the last sight id see in this earth would be your features still chiseled to perfection at 99. But I was not enough to stay, worst than your dreams – a nightmare almost, such that you had to run away.


bleeding words and burning thoughts.

so that I may stop feeling

so that words may stop bleeding

so that I no longer have thoughts burning my soul

just leave me, leave me here

somewhere in a world far away

where humanity has lost its grip

where the very essence of life is void

and all there is

is my empty, empty self